From the Dark Side
(Pasco county Florida)
It was when I was 12 nearly 13 when lost my mom. And my father did what he could at that time but do to his life Style, Work and Alcohol I was passed from one family to another for many years with no true roots in any one place
See at that time in my life one needs to fit in. But not just as outsider being cared for by others. It was the permanent belonging that I was searching for
So we substitute what we lack and take what is at reach. Then we build what we think we need to survive and make it justified in our minds as good and blinded to the wrong that it is. Street Gangs, Drugs, Alcohol, Crime was a temporary family for me as a teen. Now getting closer to the legal Age it was time for me to get out of the mess and substitute it for a life style of control power and domination
Then entering the life style of a very dark sub culture
I will touch on this just a bit but not fully at this time. But it is very real and alive in the United States but underground. We only see what makes the news, the local papers, movies and now on the internet. Not what is hidden underground and truly in your town and or city?
We call what you do see the surface show. That entices and takes you in but it is the hidden sub culture that is much more dangerous
I completed the training and studies in that culture mastered the levels of control, manipulation We Pushed passion with no shame in what we do in life onto others like the fallen, weak and the lost. Took them in trained them shipped them out like a product from a factory this was my way of life for over 30ty years
Then the Take Down
Steve McVey wrote in his book
I believe that God will put heavier burdens on you more than you can bear,
Especially when He is trying to bring you to the place of brokenness.
God will allow the burden to be greater than you can bear so that you will
Finally allow Him to bear it for you.
God?s purpose in the breaking process is to bring you the end of your own resources so that you will be ready to understand that he is the only resource you will need in life
My time was up and in 2008 When it started. Frist it was my back L3, L4 and L5 lower lumbar disc damage due to an on the job injury then loss of finances due to worker comp and then my upcoming surgery. Just be for that surgery in Jan.2009 the wife one day when I was out of the house she cleaned out the house of all the furniture, bank accounts savings and checking 401 and my worker comp check that just came in and maxed out all the charge cards that day
Next the threat of foreclosure on the house and just a few weeks till surgery in March and not even a bed in the house. And then like a snowball going downhill the problems manifested tenfold, divorce after surgery complications and on and on and on!
In my eyes God will only take so much and I was over my limit! For my doings and He intervened and all I remembered hearing in my head was a loud No!
It took me believe it or not about a week to understand that ?enough is enough? was the message and it was God that spoke to me that day
I understood his one word order to me NO! That was the day my life was redirected and he was waiting for me to come to Him!
Broken down and at whit?s end knowing soon surgery was just around the corner. I asked a friend to come with me to my church. Each of us being away for our own reasons we went that day. I was asked if
I like to come to their next healing service and be prayed for with surgery two week away and I went on March 11th 2009 with open mind and found hope again in their healing service.
Then on March 23rd 2009 I went in for surgery. Knowing the possible outcome given to me by my surgeon I understood it only too well. On the 26th of March I was released from the hospital
Knowing that I will not be able to return to work and function in the capacity that I once did. I had no job to go back too and forced into retirement by the city .No 401k left to use the surgeon told me to file for disability. Well another battle to go thru! Thinking it was going to be like so many others fighting for years to get qualified and a future with no income coming in.
On November 1st 2009 my friend who by the grace of God is now my wife asked me to go with her to her church this time. That was day of my spiritual rebirth and truly delivered from despair and. I understood the good news about Christ?s purpose on earth
Later that same month my friend asks me to go to a class with her on the (baptism of the holy spirit) well I said to her that it may be way above my head and not knowing much I was uneasy going to the class Well I did anyway and sat at the end of the row near the door to make a hasty retreat if need be LOL
One by one they went up and me just sitting there with my face down pretending to read and understand the pamphlet. Well I was not unseen to all the Pastor looked at me smiled and invited me up. I did not want to go.
Then it happened a second time YES was in my head and it was loud! I was the last to go up shaking; sweating not understanding. All I remember was the laying of hands on me and entering into prayer with one elder and another pastor. Then I heard the lead Pastor Saying in the background? LOOK? we have something great going on!
I will end by saying after class they found me out side with the door open on the car standing leaning over the roof still shaking totally drained what a glorious gift given to me that night undesirable yet powerful
Then it started! By God?s grace finances in my life started to change and I was able to meet my bills setup the home to a state that one can live simple again. Care for others and food back on the table. Then I received a small settlement from the city and was granted Social Security Disability in Jan.2010 that was unheard of with no wait and or fight. But most of all my health! An unheard of recovery very little rehabilitation no pains no pills to live on and I never had any type of brace to impair me in any way! The surgeon just shook his head in disbelief with me having four rods seven screws two cages in me
Now that I understand God?s unconditional love he has for us and knowing that He is our farther and like a farther He wants the best for us like any loving parent wants for their child. Even at times dishing out tuff love in the hope it will bring us to the point of brokenness and open our eyes.
Many come to glory of God by their choice and of free will. Now think about this too! He can step in at any time
Is it not great that the Lord loves us so much he can and will step in and put an end to our ways we just need to open our ears and heart to him and know he is talking to us?
Most of all no matter what! We can go to Him knowing his unconditional love and forgiveness is waiting each time